To my 16 year old self...

You are NOT fat! I know all of the other girls in color guard are skinny bitches and that sucks, but you have a great rack so suck it up. I'm not entirely sure how time travel works but I hope one day you will get to read this. In preparation for that day here are some things I wish I knew at your age;

# 1. You are smart. It's not a crime. Stop being fucking lazy and get good grades. Trust me, community college sucks ass.

# 2. Love yourself. It took me 22 years to learn that lesson and most days it’s still hard to face the mirror.

# 3. Guys will say/do anything to get in your pants. You only get one first time so save it for the one who actually means what he says.

# 4. Choose your friends wisely. Most of the people in your life right now are fake as fuck. The ones who stick by you through the crappy times are the ones worth keeping.

# 5. Stop trying so hard to fit in. You're better than they are. You are kind and good at heart and that counts more than popularity, I promise.

# 6. Don't be so unhappy with your life. You have more to be thankful for than you realize.

# 7. Appreciate your family. I know they're loud, embarrassing, always in your business, and you feel so out of place with them, but they're the greatest support you'll find. Love them because they love you.

# 8. Be a better daughter, to both parents. I know you're all angst and resentful because mom took you from Cuba and makes you feel fat and worthless. I know you're forever pissed at dad for signing the paper to let you leave Cuba. They did it for your own good. They know how much they hurt you. They know you won't forgive them for it. Forgive them for it. Be better, they deserve it.

# 9. Stop eating your feelings. Food is not comfort or love or anything else you desperately want. I don't say this for your looks because as I mentioned, you are not fat. I say it because your health is in danger and trust me babe, you will want to live a long life.

# 10. Don't try to fall in love. You're gonna meet a boy. He's going to be amazing. You're going to fall head over heels for him and it will be effortless. Be good to him. Fight for him. Make it work because losing him will nearly kill you.

I wish I could tell you that we end up having the happily ever after but I don't know that yet. I will tell you this, you will meet amazing people whom you'll love forever, you will cry and suffer but it will always lead to laughter, and you will be extraordinary.

Love,

You (5 years wiser)

P.S. Listen to mom, she knows it all (except about love, she's pretty clueless there)


Update: I'm still struggling with the whole self love thing, but the new romantic interest in my life is making it a thousand times easier. The boy mentioned in #10 is just a memory now and I'm happy to keep him that way. Still totally eating my feelings...but I don't try to fit in anymore. I've found people who love me for me.