To “Cielo”, the girl who brought the magic back...

I’ve tried to think of several ways to write this letter without it sounding like some sappy mess, but I’ve had no luck. So here it goes…

            When we met, you had a girlfriend and I had a disaster of a life. You were a very rare combination of utterly sweet and completely aloof. I was hooked from the start. Looking back on it, I don’t think I ever stood a chance. I took one look at you and something in me knew that I had to have you. Fast forward to a year later (almost to the exact day), and I found myself driving to your house to take you on our first official date. I was so nervous I thought I would hurl. I brought flowers and candy. I met your mom, sister, and dog. I was so nervous I thought I would hurl. We went to dinner and barely said more than 10 sentences to each other. This of course led me to freak out internally. I thought you didn’t like me. I imagined you sitting there thinking “what the hell am I doing with her?!” This was made all the more awkward by the fact that I was sleeping over your house that night. The fateful date concluded and we went back to your house. I’ll skip over the nervous jitters because I’m pretty sure you remember them as well as I do.

            At around 12:4(something) AM on May 18^th, 2013 you kissed me for the very first time. I was so nervous I thought I would hurl. I realize this is not the most romantic notion, but it’s the truth. When you kissed me a lot of questions in my mind were suddenly answered. You see, I had wondered why you were put in my path. While I’ve always been inclined towards girls I’ve never really dated one before. Not to mention the fact that my jaded self had completely ruled out the idea of finding anyone special. When you kissed me I knew I was wrong. You’re someone special. That little flutter, or spark, or magic, or whatever you wanna call it, was dead until you came along. I felt it when I first met you but it had been so long that I didn’t recognize it. When you kissed me, I felt something in me light up again. In you I found all the fairy dust that I had given up on.

            We have now been dating for 3 months. It hasn’t been perfect, but nothing ever is. It has been wonderful, exciting, chaotic, fast, and scary. I write you letters when I can’t put into words how I feel about you but even they don’t do you justice. You’ve amazed me. Your sweetness and kindness is unlike anyone else’s. You’re so goddamn beautiful my heart melts just looking at you. When you smile at me I wish I could stop time and stay with you just like that forever. I realize forever is a very scary word for you but whatever, deal with it.

What shocks me the most is how easily you seem to understand me. I’ve tried every way I know how to scare you and test you (sorry about that). It’s not because I want to lose you, quite the opposite actually. I want to know what it is that’s gonna make you go so I can cut that shit out quick. I don’t want to lose you. Those words are scary for me. I try my hardest not to get attached to anyone because I’ve been left behind and forgotten one too many times. I’m attached to you. You make my day better. You make me smile and laugh uncontrollably. You get me. How did this happen? How did I get here? I worked so hard to build up so many walls around my heart that shit was like Ft. Knox. Somehow, you seemed to have just walked right in and made yourself right at home. The weirdest part is how happy I am about it. I should be freaking out. I should be running. I should be scared. I’m not. I don’t know if this is just a temporary something or a forever kind of deal, but whatever it is, I don’t want it to end.

Yours,

Nat

Update: We are still very happily together and she has by far become one of the most positive influences in my life. I'm incredibly lucky and blessed to have her and I remind myself of that every day.