To my future children...

  If you’re reading this, then you’ve probably already read the letters that preceded this one. I hope it has helped you to understand why your mother is insane. Now, keep in mind that I am writing this being (almost) 23 so some of this may not exactly be accurate. Nonetheless, I have a feeling of what kind of mother I will be. Your teenage years will suck. You will go no where. You will have no social life. You will (probably) have to take random drug tests for no apparent reasons. You will be forced to endure a lot of “sex talks” and “please don’t get pregnant” lectures. For all of this, I am deeply sorry. The mistakes of my youth will undoubtedly haunt yours.
            Now, there some things you are more than likely feeling towards me that I would like to refute;

1. “My mom doesn’t trust me”- I do trust you (unless you’re a criminal, then I probably don’t’). The problem is that I was a bad teenager and I fucked up A LOT. I made a huge mess of my life and it has taken me a really long time to get to a place where I even feel slightly normal. I don’t want you to go through what I’ve gone through. I want better for you. I want you to take advantage of the opportunities I let slip away. I will demonstrate these wonderful feelings by being an over bearing nightmare. Enjoy. 
2. “My mom over reacts to everything”- Yes, I do. Please refer to #1 for the reasons why. I promise it is all out of love so just shut up and deal with that shit.
3. “My mom is the reason why I’m insecure”- If you have ever felt this about me, then I have failed you. I promise I will try my hardest to, in spite of my crazyness, make you feel loved. Never ever think that you are not good enough because if you are my kid then you are perfect to me.

I honestly wish I could say that I have all the answers and that “mommy knows best” but probably don’t. All I can tell you is that I will always love you and be there for you. I will never give up on you. I will never turn my back on you. I will never make you feel unwanted. I hope I’m a good mom to you. I hope we have a good relationship and we are open with each other. I hope this helps you understand me. You are the reason why I wrote this. You are the reason why I got my life back on track. You are my reason for everything.

Love you more than life,

Mommy