Our Eggs Are Dying

Let's enter a judgment free zone...

 In this zone I will confess something super weird about myself and you all will just accept it and maybe laugh a little and totally not judge me at all.

So, um, okay. My biological clock may need to be reset or rebooted or autotuned...wait, that's not right...I'm not good with techy stuff but the point is that its fucked up. What do I mean when I say this? Glad you asked. My uterus has been screaming at me to impregnate it for like, a while now. I am well aware that it probably has a lot to do with this but even still, it's suuuuuper annoying.

The problem is that I have accomplished like ZERO of the things on my Knocked Up Bucket List...

(I'm really into bullet point posts these days)

• I have not been to Venice. Can you even take babies to Venice? Wouldn't it be super hard getting in and out of gondolas with a stroller? And those things do not have a trunk for you to store all the crap things essential to a baby's survival.
• I have not gotten neither my B.A. nor my M.B.A. and I'm pretty sure babies are a major like full time commitment that I do not wish to undertake that whilst working a full time job and getting some kind of degree in something or the other.
• I am still not even a full grown up. I don't know why I pay taxes. I don't understand Social Security. I don't know how mortgages and property taxes work because it still seems like paying rent just way more expensive and to banks instead of a nosy Cuban old lady. How am I expected to raise a good law abiding tax paying citizen when I'm not even entirely positive whether I am one or not?

Ok so, yes there are teen moms all over the country popping babies out of their schmaginas like those tennis ball machine things and they haven't done any of those things either.

Probably.

Kids are like major over achievers these days.

Well, maybe not the pregnant ones...

What was I saying?

OH! Okay, yea I am super unprepared to bring life into this world. Also, it involves like a fairly close interaction with sperm and I am currently not on speaking terms with any of that. I don't drive a car that is safe for anyone a baby. I don't even own a bed. AND, I can't even remember to take care of my Sims some times...or the little people of my Virtual Families 2 family...or my cat. Fuck, did I feed the cat today? I did. I totally did...I hope.

With all of this in mind, I ask...what the fudge uterus?! Put down that Babies R' Us catalog and go feed the cat dude. Get with the program because babies are still like 3ish years away man. 

Yes my uterus is a guy, because only a dude would cause cramps like that and totally try to play it off as a good thing talking shit like "oh that's how we give life and populate the earth" and whatever, you suck. Asshole. No babies...yet.