Like most writers I find I can express my feelings better when I write them out. But that's not really why I'm writing these. In a perfect world the people that they're addressed to will never read them. And maybe they won't. It isn't because I want to express my feelings to them. I write them because these are thoughts that I need to put out into the world. Some of them are sad, some of them are funny, most of them grew out of various kinds of love. All of them are very much me. Passive aggressive is usually my preferred style, and nothing says passive aggressive like a book of nameless letter about shit those people don't even care about anymore. I can't explain why I hold on to those feelings as long as I do, but I know I'm not the only one that does it.
I guess my hope is that by writing them and putting them out into the world more weak hearted people will say their feelings to the people they feel them towards. As opposed to bottling them up and then letting them explode in a weird crying, ranting, happy, shiny, fit of rage. It's happened before. A lot. Don't ask. I wish someone had told me that my feelings mattered. I wish someone had made me feel like my thoughts were worth sharing. Maybe no one will care what I have to say. Maybe this book will be the biggest piece of shit in literary history. But I'm ok with that, it's my whole heart. In all its messy, bloody, fucked up glory. I hope you'll like it (once its done). I hope the people I wrote to realize that I wrote it for me, not them. I hope they know that I don't mean to drag up old issues or hurt them. I just want them to know, once and for all, how I feel. Or not. I hope they don't read them, or if they read them I hope they convince themselves it's about someone else. Except for the angry letters, I hope the fuckers I wrote them to know EXACTLY who I'm talking to. And I hope it hurts them. Does that make me a horrible person? Perhaps but it's the most honest thing I've said in quite some time.
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